Q: Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex?
A: Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Listen to your Mother
Flight Attendant
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Anvils
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anvil
An anvil is a basic tool. In the simplest terms it is a block with a hard surface on which another object is struck. The inertia of the anvil allows the energy of the striking tool to be transferred to the work piece. In most cases the anvil is used as a forging tool. Before the advent of modern welding technology, it was a primary tool of metal workers. Many anvils are antiques and should be treated with care. The great majority of modern anvils are made from steel though other types exist. Because anvils are very ancient tools and were at one time very commonplace, they have acquired symbolic meaning beyond their use as utilitarian objects.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Joke
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
He started running along beside the others about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.
It wasn't that effective!
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running."
Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Only if it's raining."
Shaving Cream Conspiracy
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=Shaving_Cream&redirect=no
Shaving Cream is a mind-controlling substance introduced by Michael Moore in 1963.
For those ignorant pigs who dont believe the conspiracy theories, it is merely a foam-like cream used aid people in shaving their genitals.
Other Uses For Shaving Cream
Ok so where the hell did my Shaving Cream go??? One minute it is in my bag, 15 HOURS later, my shaving cream is gone, WTF??? Has someone stolen my shaving cream from my bag to create all new Sasquatches????
Are there all new Siamese cats walking around thanks to my shaving cream? Maybe i need to put on my Detective hat and solve this mystery.
Summer Time
So its summer time now, well close to it anyway,so its time for the pool to come out. Here is My hat, my lounger and the pool.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
How to pack wine in luggage
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081028054153AAR1vJ0
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
wrap it with several layers of paper and put in in the middle of clothes (preferably if those are big, thick jackets or coats). Remember do not put wine close to site where luggage handle is, as it could move down because of the gravity. The best solution is trying to not leave some space in your luggage that things can move unexpectedly.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Risky Sex Locales
ASK MEN
http://au.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_250/295_love_tip.html
1 - Parents' place
2 - The Library
3 – The Sauna
4 – An alley
5 - In the office
HEALTH 24
http://www.health24.com/sex/Tips_techniques/1253-1254,33502.asp
7. At your parent’s house
6. In your car on a long trip
5. The library
4. In the swimming pool
3. The mile-high club
2. On the beach
1. The sauna
Risk:
2Difficulty: 2
Pleasure count:10
What could be more breathtaking than your partner standing naked before you, beckoning you forward for some good loving? How about that same partner, naked
before you, but this time wet and glistening. That’s enough to get anyone’s juices flowing.
Slogging it out in a steamy sauna could be one of the most sensual and erotic experiences of your life. It’s hot, it’s sweaty, it’s extremely personal, and it just might be exactly what the doctor ordered.
Pros
Not only will you both receive a wonderful session of exfoliation and steam cleansing, but your heightened senses will take those orgasms to the next level.
In a sauna, your body doesn’t quite get enough oxygen, which helps to intensify your senses. Your body temperature also soars, which gets the blood flowing rapidly in all the right bits.
You will both be wet and slippery. Use this to your advantage when trying different positions and techniques.
Cons
A consistent lack of oxygen is not good for the brain. Extended sessions in a sauna may be damaging to your body, because of this lack of oxygen, and because of the heightened body temperature.
If you don’t have a sauna at home, then the only option is to take your steamy exploits public. This means a visit to the local gym sauna, which could lead to you being discovered by a pimply towel-boy.
Gym saunas may not be the most hygienic places to be naked in. After all, it is the place where sweaty men end up after a long workout.
Technique
The most important thing is to have the sauna hot and ready for your arrival. Make sure to get the steam going well before entering the sauna for a session of passion. Entering a cold, damp sauna room will completely kill the mood.
If you don’t have a sauna at home, then your local gym is the only option. Saunas at gyms are generally very popular venues, so it might be difficult to secure a couple of hours for just you two.
Check if your gym’s sauna has lockable doors. Then slip that pimply towel-boy a 50, and tell him to lock you and your partner in for an hour.
If you are worried about hygiene, take more towels in with you, and lay them on the floor or on the benches to help prevent your skin coming into contact with any nasty surfaces.
ASK MEN.com
Top 10: Reasons Women Love Vampires
No.10 - Vampires are loners
No.9 - Vampires require no commitment during the day
No.8 - Vampires dress well
No.7 - Vampires love necking
No.6 - Vampires are moody
No.5 - Vampires are persuasive
No.4 - Vampires search forever to find "her"
No.3 - Vampires are romantic
No.2 - Vampires are powerful
No.1 - Vampires are the ultimate bad boys
Monday, November 9, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
We’ve Got Tonight
I know it's late, I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Longing for shelter from all that we see
Why should we worry, no one will care girl
Look at the stars so far away
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight babe
Why don' you stay?
Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely
All of my hopes, fading away
I've longed for love, like everyone else does
I know I'll keep searching, even after today
So there it is girl, I've said it all now
And here we are babe, what do you say?
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight babe
Why don't you stay?
I know it's late, I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Both of us lonely
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
Let's make it ast, let's find a way
Turn out the light, come take my hand now
We've got tonight babe
Why don't you stay?
Why don't you stay?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)